National Eating Disorder Awareness Week
If you have been following me on social media this week you have seen me dropping daily snippets of my struggle with anorexia. If you have been around longer than a week than you probably have already heard/seen me share this before when I did part 1 of my story.
In case we are not connected on IG or FB let me catch you up:
Day 1:
Today kicks off National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. Many of you know my story but I have some new friends here too.
This week I am going to give little bits of my journey. If you want the full anorexia story parts 1 & 2 are on the blog.
Today in a podcast I heard @tonyrobbins say “Quality of life is the quality of decisions you make.” I found that fitting for today.
You see I made the decision after spring break my freshman year in college to tell my small group I was struggling. I then made the decision the next day to go to the councillors office. I then made the decision to see a medical professional who immediately recommended I check into a hospital stat!!!
I then made the scariest phone call to my mom, to come get me, and why she needed to admit me to a hospital. That April fools day back in 2003 I made a lot of hard decisions. They were scary, and soon would lead to even scarier decisions.
Looking back my quality of life has been more meaningful and wonderful than I could have imagined on that day. Those hard decisions are the reason I am where I am today💝
Day 2:
It’s day 2 of national eating disorder awareness week. As promised here is more of my story.
I spent a month on leave from college, basically bed ridden, after my trip to the hospital and being labeled with anorexia.
I met with a team at Mass General and they agreed as long as I didn’t lose any more weight, I could finish the semester. The day my mom picked me up for summer break, we got the call. I would start in patient treatment early the next morning.
Scared is probably an understatement. All I pictured was a psych ward that resembled 1 flew over the coo coo’s nest🙈We bought some comfy scrubs & I had to figure out what to pack for something like this.
The walls were white. I had my own room. There were many rules. There were about a dozen other girls around my age. We did group therapy. We were weighed and had blood drawn every morning. We had set meal times and snacks. You could earn daily outside time☀️
As scary as it was, I knew it would help me. The girls were friendly. Their stories were much different than mine. They had really rough backgrounds or parents who couldn’t be bothered with their illness and saw it as they just wanted “attention”.
Here was the really sad part, several of them had been there before, two or three times! I never wanted to step foot in there again. It was HARD WORK but 3+ weeks later after my weight & vitals were up I was discharged. I broke down sobbing on the car ride home.
The support system, the schedule, the nurses, were gone. It was on me. I was scared to death of failing. What if I wasn’t strong enough? What if I couldn’t beat this? What if I ended right back in the ward?
I’d love to say it was easy. It took a long time to break many food rules I had. I cried. I failed forward. But here I am today. I can’t believe how strong I became mentally. When I look back at Jackie in 2003 I wish I could just hug her and be like girl you got this!💝
Day 3:
Day 3 of National Eating Disorder Awareness week, my story continued(scroll back for days 1&2)
After leaving out patient treatment I started seeing a therapist & met regularly with a dietician up in Boston. Once the fall semester started, I no longer saw the therapist but I had to take the T(metro) into Boston from campus 2-3 times a month to meet with the dietician.
We actually called the Dean of students to ask for some healthier options in the cafeteria so I could continue my progress more effectively. Example could there be some steamed veggies without cream or cheese sauce smothering them.
I also was selected to be in a paid trial. The medical team wanted to see the correlations between anorexia, memory, and bone density. I had to have a bone density exam which showed I had osteopenia (the precursor to osteoporosis which also runs in my family). I also had to take a pill 💊 daily. I had no idea if I was actually taking medicine or if it was a placebo.
I had to travel into Boston 1-2 times a month. Each time I had about 7-10 vials of blood drawn 🧪 🔬 I then would have to take a series of memory and cognitive tests. I was repeatedly told how surprisingly well I did on these compared to the “typical” trial members. I attribute that to the fact I did eat, I just didn’t eat enough. I also got a small stipend for being in the trial which for a broke college kid was much appreciated!
I believe the study was a year long. At the end of the study I had one more bone density test. I was told I now had osteoporosis and later found out I was taking a placebo the whole time.
I don’t regret any of it. Each trip into the city. Each interaction with the dietician, or the trial specialists helped me continue to make progress. It was nice to have friendly faces great me, encourage me and praise me for scoring well on the cognitive exams.
I wasn’t doing it alone. The day I left treatment that was my fear. I had a team, family praying really hard, RDs, professors, and other college employees showing me love & support Aside from my faith, I firmly believe I am where I am because God gave me support. So if you know someone struggling embrace & support them!